When I was a girl

Artist: Elle Butler

When I was a girl,
I spent the summer squishing around
in a pair of
red rubber boots.  

I outgrew them,
or maybe they outgrew me,
but regardless,
they sit in the closet
with the rest of my happy memories.  

When I turned 12,
I traded the red rubber boots
for a pair of walking shoes,
the kind graveyard shifters wear.
I marched and I screamed and I did it all
in the rain, in the snow.
but I took no photos, so it never really happened,
but I couldn’t take photos, because it never really
happened.

When I turned 14,
I traded the pair of walking shoes
for a set of two-inch heels
with a glittery bow at the toe.
I stumbled over my own feet as
I walked up the middle school hall,
and after crying in the bathroom stall,
I wiped away the smudges of mascara
like nothing happened.

On my 16th birthday,
my two-inch heels were replaced with
stilettos.
I spent hours in front of the mirror,
trying to live up to his idea of perfection
rather than my own.
when I turned 16, I fell in love with a boy
that didn’t love me
and subsequently, I traded my freedom
for a leash.

You see, I was young
and naive.
I spent my entire life being told
I was too much,
in some way or another.
it just made sense for someone else
to control me
in the ways I couldn’t
control myself.
 

Now, though
I’m better now.
all I am now
is a girl with a wound
that can never quite heal.
but truthfully,
who doesn’t love
a wounded woman?
 

So when people tell me
that a girl’s best friend is diamonds,
I look them in the eye
and I tell them
that a girl’s best friend
is a pair of red rubber boots
she can’t outgrow.  

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